BOWIE VS. DYLAN

Ep28: 1970 - The Man Who Sold the World vs. Self-Portrait and New Morning or the Too Thick to Pick of 1970

Charlie and Jake beckon you to join them in their 1970-era drug and sex-fueled arts commune that's really just a dilapidated house with some stairs that you can sleep on/under.  Why, you ask? Well, we want you to express yourself, of course, through mimery and "joke" albums that debut at #4 on the Billboard charts.  We want you to try your novelty singles in Italian, and to put out a "real" album 4 months later only to see it debut at #7.  We'd really think it was neat if you released some HEAVY music, man, but also to sing of the simple pleasures the country life can bring after you move back to NYC to be accosted by jackasses with megaphones.  All of this is encouraged in our awful condemnable house!

But really, it's all about us making a space spiritually and physically fit for you to bring a child into the world in it.  Seriously, have a baby and try and raise it through infancy in the house.  It'll be a good idea!  He or she can sleep under Stair #8, it's surprisingly roomy.  

I hate to do this to you now that you've agreed to stay on as a valued member of our lovely little clan, but it's just, you know, I have to ask...does the baby have some rent money to contribute?  Disgusting arts communes don't run themselves, you know, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

 

Ep27: 2012 - Nothing! Absolutely Nothing! vs. Tempest or The Last Original Gameshow of 2012

Grizzled musical veterans Chaz and Jake return to relevance discussing Bowie and/or Dylan (fresh off their BvD Awards for Worst Years Ever) in the "monumental" year of 2012.  Bowie does almost nothing besides play "Heroes" a couple times each for every single world event, but nevertheless transfigures his manic energy to Charlie, who can't stop interrupting and saying all the things that Jake was about to say before he says them.  Dylan tries to terrify Jake with the possibility that he's already released the comeback old man mortality record that was promised, but Jake is too busy trying to figure out how to be juuuuust the right amount of interested in Dylan's career to be the kind of fan whom Dylan doesn't want to go straight to f***ing hell.

So go ahead and feed this entire podcast into Google Translate (say, Egyptian?), then feed it back through to English to enjoy an experience that might just make more sense than the actual thing on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep26: 1990 - Rykodisc Reissues vs Under the Red Sky or the Worst of the Worst of Dylan’s Worst?

Hey there.  Are you through with Tin Machine for a year?  Are you distracted from writing decent songs by your exhausting but highly fortuitous involvement in a better-than-decent supergroup?  Did you remix one of your songs so many times that the remixes turned back into the original song somehow?  Did you fire G.E. Smith for no good reason?  Do you need some good old-fashioned cash stacks and the only way you can think to stack cash is to "retire" your classic material on a massive tour?  Did Don and Jon and Bon and Juan Wan hire Slash to provide some disappointing licks for your disappointing album?  You mean you haven't had enough of Jake and Charlie's nuclear and extended family blabbering on about maybe the subject we asked them about?

THEN BOY DO WE HAVE ANOTHER TREAT FOR YOU.

Because it's Dylan's turn to steer the Nadir-O-Rater into the yawning abyss of 1990.  Hang on tight, because it's a mildly boring ride ripe with self-parody on this VERY special Part 2-ish Diamond Jubilee/Tarnished Tin episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep25: 1987 - Never Let Me Down vs. Hearts of Fire or The Worst of the Worst of Bowie’s Worst

If you've ever felt ironically let down by Never Let Me Down, or have felt the very fire extinguished from your chest by Hearts of Fire, or have wondered just how low David Bowie could sink, reputationally but more importantly point-wise in the year 1987, and whether Dylan could actually be worse in that year (good thing he didn't put out an album, or it might have been close), or what a glass spider might look like, or how long Dylan's earrings extend down his shoulders, but also have longed to know what various members of Charlie and Jake's nuclear and extended family sound like in small snippets talking about music that no one should be subjected to whilst various babies and other small children prattle on in the Christmas-inspired backdrop of suburban Minnesota, then BOY DO WE HAVE A TREAT FOR YOU.

It's part 1 of the self-described-in-a-later-episode "Diamond Jubilee", that's really just Fool's Gold or Tarnished Tin, in this very special episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep24: 2001 - Toy vs. Love and Theft or the Casio-Tone Peg Pantsing of 2001

Join the Crackpot Corner that is Charlie and Jakes' conversation for a close look into Bowie and Dylan in the year 2001.  Charlie's talking points are long and lustrous, but devoid of officially released albums and curiously beholden to odd collaborations with rappers.  Jake's are certainly thick and wiry, but hidden under a Stetson hat, under which may be revealed a classic album and an exhaustive touring schedule.  

OR IS IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND?  

It's not!  But tune on in anyway, because someone won an Oscar; someone played a child's keyboard; someone finds their biggest fans distasteful; someone judged a fake fashion show with very real consequences; and someone broke someone else's will to answer any more multiple choice questions with multiple multiple choice questions, on this golden birthday edition (November 19th) of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep23: 1981 - 4 Tossed off Singles vs. An Actual Album (Shot of Love!) or the Annoying Winning Streak of Chaz and Bowie

Quick multiple choice question for you all:  Which wildly non-sequiturous tangent do Chaz and Jake NOT go on at some point in this podcast which purports to report on the comings and goings of David Bowie and Bob Dylan in the year of all years 1981?

a. Two words: Robert Van Winkle, y'all.

b. The artistic merits of the 4th Batman movie, or was it the 3rd?  The truly sucky one, not the one that just mostly sucks, you know, with Bat Crotches and stuff.

c. Copyright infringement law as explained to middle-schoolers.

d. Whether Dylan fell off and/or boarded his 80's Caribbean yacht and/or schooner.

e. Whether Bowie used makeup to play the Elephant Man or if his face just looked that way.

f. Whether Charlie should seek medical attention for his smell or if he's just as God made him. 

Just remember as you attempt to answer correctly and thereby win this game and thereby the door prize which consists of a number of free podcasts: you must answer in the form of an answer; there's actually more than one made-up choice; some are false based on the question but only because they're technically not non-sequiturs, but only because they technically have something do with anything; and there's no right answer and everyone's a loser on this not-as-bad-as-you-think-early-80's edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep22: 1974 - Diamond Dogs vs. Planet Waves vs. David Live vs. Before the Flood or the Face to Face Tomfoolery of 1974

Jake seems to sound the same while discussing Bob Dylan in the year of all years 1974, but Charlie sounds...different somehow, while discussing David Bowie.  It's not the content necessarily, it's still a buzzsaw of singles, classic 70's records, and questionable (NSFW?) album art.  And it's not his tone, which continues to be cheeky, sarcastic, vaguely mean, and unnecessarily triumphant.  It's more, I don't know, his timbre?  Less scratchy?  Clearer somehow?  More personable?  Still whiny and nasally, sure, but you can hear the words better.  I think.  But I'm not sure why!  Maybe you, dear listeners, can figure it out, as you fire up the old podcast listening machine, share an in-person brotherly or sisterly hug with the ones you love,  hoover up some cocaine and/or infidelity with CBS executives, and try not to cringe during the "members" portion (you'll know it when you hear it) on this very special shuckster/guru-filled episode of Bowie vs. Dylan!

Ep21: 2018 - Loving the Alien vs. More Blood! More Tracks! or the Deeply Problematic Pointing of 2018

Bowie's not with us anymore, but that doesn't stop him from attempting to stampede a very much alive Dylan (editor's note: "very much" is a little strong here) in the juuuuuust passed year of our Lord 2018.  You see, his record label is deathless and is intent on shoving reissues, 4th remasters of "legendary" concerts from 1978, and "greatest shows on earth in the year 2000 at Glastonbury on the night Bowie played it" at an alarming clip.  And well, Dylan might not be able to keep up because his record label is deathless and is doing the exact same thing even though Bob lives (we're pretty sure he toured 9 months of the year...anyone?), but just to a slightly lesser extent given his afore-mentioned livingness. 

So it's a thinly veiled battle for artistic supremacy that's actually a vehicle for childish emotional outbursts and barely masked sarcastic comments that occasionally hit too close to home.  Happy New Year from Chaz and Jake on a very special episode of Bowie vs. Dylan that's just like all the others!

Ep20: Bowie vs. Dylan, or The Top Ten Covers of their ENTIRE CAREERS

David Bowie and Bob Dylan duke it out via the preferences and tastes of Chaz and Jake as the artists' "best" "covers" are counted down 10 to 1 in the second battle royale of the life of this podcast.  Let's just say there are some discrepancies, derelictions, depravities, demonizations, despots, dilettantes, Davids, Dylans, and Count Smokulas.  Can the boys actually make it to the end?  Can you?  Will they succumb to mid-pod rule changes and arguments, or soldier on to give the audience what they want and frankly expect, which is the final and decisive objectification of a purely subjective realm.  Celebrate! For Bowie vs. Dylan turns 20 today, lo, the first day of 2019!  Episodes.  Bowie vs. Dylan turns 20 episodes, not years.  Just want to make that clear.  You should still celebrate, though, for sure.  Go crazy.

Ep19: 1967 - David Bowie (Eponymous 1.0) vs. John Wesley Harding

Take a trip back in time with Chaz and Jake to rehash the beginnings of Bowie and the middles of Dylan as they navigate the mid-late-60's in the aplombic fashion that only they themselves can muster.  Dream, dear listeners, of a simpler time when rock albums came out every 6 months and you were a failure for daring to take a longer break than thus, when wild frizzy hair grew without a thought on the heads of men both Napoleonic and Goliathic, and when cryptic all-telling images helpfully appeared at the tops of trees on comeback folk rock albums.  And of course, dare to inhale the sweetest vapor of them all, the Rosetta stone that defines both Bowie and Dylan and once and for all reveals the reasons for not only their intertwining existence and their apparent counter-magnetic repulsion, but also the lingua franca of the mysteries of the musical univ...you know what, go ahead, go ahead and do it, stop listening and go dial up "The Laughing Gnome", you know you want to.  You just had to hear for yourselves, didn't you?  We'll wait.  There, are you happy now?  Well, are you?  I bet you're not.  It seemed like a fun idea until about halfway through, right?  And now you're strangely soured on both Bowie AND Dylan somehow.  Great, have fun listening to the rest of this 1967 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

And when you're all done, take a spin of our custom 1967 Spotify playlist at bit.ly/BvD-EP19. You GNOME you want to! Hehehehehehehe!!! Oh, dang. Even Bowie wouldn't have used that one.

Ep18: 2007 - The Glass Spider Tour (Audio Only) vs. DYLAN (2007) or the Community Theater I’m Not Thereing of 2007

Setting: a split-screen of two grown men who have way better things to do, recording a podcast that 21 people may or may not listen to at some point, depending on whether the audience thinks the year in question is worth checking out or not.  

Cool Young White Male #1: Say!  Have you heard about the year 2007?

Cool Young White Male #2: Yes.  YES.  YES!!! No?

Cool Young White Male #1: Society is crumbling brick by brick, and the only form of entertainment in this little dusty old town are quasi-biographical portraits of musicians' lives told by scattered avatars spread across time and space and geographical locations.

Cool Young White Male #2: Of which town do you refer?  Because I'M NOT THERE.

Cool Young White Male #1: Ronson!  Ronson?  RONSON?!

Cool Young White Male #2: Of which Ronno do you refer?  Because MICK.

Cool Young White Male #1: D-A-V-I-D!  D-A-V-I-D!

Cool Young White Male #2: (strange hooting noises at varying volumes and timbres)

Fade to black on this community-theater grade edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

 

Sure, the box office volunteer is flickering the lights and asking you to leave, but also check out our custom 2007 Spotify playlist at bit.ly/BvD-EP18.

Ep17: 1992 - Oy Vey Baby vs. Good As I Been To You or the Coen Brothersing of 1992

Hop out of the fire and right into the frying pan to join the meaty goodness of this week's podcasting Bouillabaisse, where the ingredients vary in quality but have all been somehow approved by the FDA for consumption by your ears.  There's potatoes from a 1963 European trip (still fresh!); leftover mash from a second re-heating of Tin Machine (not as fresh!); a bland but nutritious casserole from Dylan (palatable!); and a redeeming, delicious seasoning of Mick Ronson, whose licks are so tasty they overpower the otherwise rotten nature of the stew.  Who's ready for a second alimony tour, huh? Huh? Anyone?  All those in favor: use your wallets, half-heartedly attend your own 30th anniversary tribute show at Madison Square Garden, and adopt your worst best Frank Sinatra accent while you lustily and full-throatedly growl, "OY VEY, BABY!" on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

And for dessert, there's more of the same in the form of this episode's custom Spotify playlist, available at bit.ly/BvD-EP17. And please, for goodness' sake, use a napkin.