BOWIE VS. DYLAN

Ep40: Bowie vs. Dylan or the TOP TEN ERAS OF THEIR ENTIRE CAREERS

We here at Bowie vs. Dylan want to present to you a VERY special episode wherein Chaz and Jake rank the Top Ten Era/Phases/Whims/Career Choices of David Bowie's and Bob Dylan's career, and you're welcome to listen to it, because it's a TOP TEN LIST, and we believe it to be of similar quality to all the other podcasts that came before.  

But we must warn you, the podcast is turning 40 today, and even though over the last two centuries the life expectancy of podcasts has literally doubled, and there is ample revolutionary medicine and surgeries available that podcasts of the past could not have even imagined, and 40 is the new 27.5, statistically, and at least as far as podcasts are concerned, I mean, have you seen that Bowie vs. Dylan lately?  What a listener.

Anyway, but since the podcast is turning 40 today, we have to warn you that it's OVER THE HILL.  And that suddenly there's too many candles and not enough birthday cake.  And that it knows that it's 40 because the only weight-lifting it does is from standing up.  And that it's twice as sexy as two 20-year olds.  And that it's NOT 40, but actually 39.95 plus shipping and handling.  And that it will enjoy it's first colonoscopy.  And that it's not 40, but actually 18 with 22 years of experience.  

40!!!  It's all downhill from here!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, these jokes never get old like a 40-year old, on this episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep39: 2017: Cracked Actor Redux vs. Triplicate or The Running, Stretching, Podcasting, and Beer-Drinking of 2017

This podcast about Bowie and Dylan in the year 2017 is presented to you, dear listeners, as a triple album, each LP containing clearly defined themes that feed one to another, and then back again from the end of LP #3 to the start of LP #1, so that you'll be stuck in an endless feedback loop of listening to this specific podcast for the rest of eternity.  

Wherein: Bowie is again a Cracked Actor, Dylan is again Born Again Again; Bowie returns to the early 70's; Dylan returns again to the 1940's and 50's again, and once again, and then again again, and then again once more for good measure.

Here's a sneak preview of each podcast LP's incredibly varied and easily identifiable and classifiable themes, just in case you want to know what you're getting into as you prepare to listen to this podcast and nothing else for the rest of your life:

LP #1: authentically smooth, mid-tempo, jazzy, non-improvised croony-tunes that Frank Sinatra may or may not have sang at some point.

LP #2: authentically smooth, mid-tempo, jazzy, non-improvised croony-tunes that Frank Sinatra may or may not have sang at some point.

LP #3: authentically smooth, mid-tempo, jazzy, non-improvised croony-tunes that Frank Sinatra may or may not have sang at some point.

A real humdinger, folks, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep38: 1979 - Lodger vs. Slow Train Coming or the Great Vengeance and FUUURIOUS Anger of 1979

Bowie plays it cool and wavy in Berlin (but not really Berlin) while Dylan gets hot under the collar for Jesus in the year of Dylan's lord 1979.  There's obviously a lot to unpack in this episode of Bowie vs. Dylan, but the question on everyone's lips in this: Why DOES Jake has a slight but pronounced issue with Brian Eno?  

Well, not to ruin the surprise, such as it is, but it's really just a feeling with no concrete evidence whatsoever beyond a solid and uncompromising body of work.  I mean, Jake really should like him just fine, and I guess he does, but he doesn't totally, he told me so, in a confidence that I am now gratuitously breaking.  And spoiler alert, Eno is Chaz's #2 all-time musician overall?!  What?  Now Jake has told me he's upset again, after cooling off considerably since they recorded the podcast, and he tells me to tell Chaz that he's not speaking to him until they both take a few weeks to think it over and make sense of this mess.  

How does that make you feel, Chaz, of this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan?

Ep37: 1985 - Dancing in the Street vs. Empire Burlesque or the Live Aid We Are the Worlding of 1985

Sad Middle Aged Man #1: Calling out around the world!

Sad Middle Aged Man #3: Are you ready to suck at Live Aid?!

Sad Middle Aged Man #2: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah BLAH BLAH!

All Sad Middle Aged Men: For dancing in the street!!

Sad Middle Aged Man #1: They’re dancing in LONDON!

          Backup Sad Middle Aged Mens #2 and #3: Sucking at Live Aid…

Sad Middle Aged Man #2: They’re dancing in PHILLY!

          Backup Sad Middle Aged Mens #1 and #3: Sucking at Live Aid…

Sad Middle Aged Men #3: They’re dancing in wherever the hell I am, I can’t really tell, Ronnie Wood is here?  New York, maybe, does Keith Richards know where we are, whoa, he doesn’t know where anybody is, I think I’d bet-

All Sad Middle Aged Men everywhere: All we hear is music! Sweet music! There’ll be music EVERYWHERE, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan!

Ep36: 2005 - Nothing! Absolutely Nothing! vs. No Direction Home or The Multiple Choice Documentation of 2005

We here at Bowie vs. Dylan like to keep it light, you know, with delightfully frivolous lamentations such as the following: What really IS a choice anyway?  Does it need to be more than one?  Is one sufficient to make a choice?  If there's only one option, but one chooses not to choose it, and instead chooses no choice, is there an inherent binary anyway?  And if so, is there any such logical thing as no choice?  Why does Bowie like his hair to look like the halcyon bygone days of Jon Bon Jovi in 2005?  What exactly are the criteria of the so-called "Dave-cation?"  Why does Dylan tour with his old buddies/frenemies so often while on no sort of vacation?  Why did he give cryptic but strangely revealing interviews in 2001 only to disavow a project based on them helmed by none other than Martin Scorsese in 2005?  What exactly is the difference between PBS and the BBC anyway, I mean really, like, spiritually?  Why does Chaz smell so bad? What is the nature of life, but moreover, living?

Hey, no big deal, we're just spitballing here, on this 2005 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep35: 1999 - Hours vs. Nothing! Absolutely Nothing! or the Adult Contemporary Obie Awarding of 1999

Welcome to the 1st Annual BvD Obie Awards, an unnecessary and confusing side entry award appendage to the Actual Obie Awards!  Presented posthumously, back-dated 20 years to 1999. Our presenting sponsor is nobody.  

Best Adult Contemporary Album Sandwiched In Between Two Industrial-Lite Albums in the Year of Our Lord 1999, Award: David Bowie

Best Attempt at Killing Oneself Through Never-Ending Never-Ending Tours in the Year of Our Lord 1999, Award: Bob Dylan

Best Line Reading of a Lost Crappy-Cheap Crime Movie Trailer Featuring Iffy New Jersey Gangster Accents, Nomination: Jake, Bowie vs. Dylan Podcast

Best Early 70's BBC Announcer Accent For the Duration of a Strange 1966 Bob Dylan Interview Featuring Not-A-BBC-Announcer Interviewer, Nomination: Chaz, Bowie vs. Dylan Podcast

Best New Original Podcast Featuring Two Brothers Discussing David Bowie and/or Bob Dylan, Nomination: Bowie vs. Dylan

Best New Original Podcast Featuring Two Brothers Discussing David Bowie and/or Bob Dylan, Award: Vacant, No Suitable Candidates

Best Listener Experience Of All Time, Not Just in the Year of Our Lord 1999, But Forever; Hey, Send Us an Email Why Don't You, Award: You, our dear listeners, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep34: 1972 - David Bowie Presents: The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders From Mars vs. Nothing! Absolutely Nothing! or the Ziggy Stardusting of 1972

We here at Bowie vs. Dylan want you to stop us if you've heard this one before: Two well-meaning podcasters record a perfectly okay episode involving the comings and goings of David Bowie and Bob Dylan in the year 1972.  They drink a beer with one hand, pat themselves on the back with the other, and call it a day.  

Except: the digital file stored on the voice memos portion of a state-of-the-art iPod 4 becomes somehow corrupted and refuses to transfer to one of the well-meaning podcaster's computer hard drive.  This podcaster furiously attempts to uncorrupt the ostensibly but allegedly corrupt file, which nonetheless proves itself literally corrupt and thereby unretrievable.  The first podcaster hides the corruption from the second podcaster, who is prone to tantrums and various hissy fits, by attempting unethical bribes and outright witchcraft to avoid what becomes unavoidable, which is that the two podcasters must surmount all odds and just, you know, record it again.

It's a tale as old as time.  Have you heard that one?  You haven't.  You haven't heard the first podcast.  No one has, and no one ever will, until that fine day when the super-deluxe edition of Bowie vs. Dylan arrives in the year 2069.  You'll have to settle for the second one for now, and hope that it provides you, dear listener, with the information that you crave about Bowie and Dylan in 1972, on this revised edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep33: 2009 - VH1 Storytellers vs. Together Through Life and Christmas in the Heart or OH MY GOLLY IT MUST BE SANTA!!! of 2009

We here at Bowie vs. Dylan bet you thought you could just skip past the storytelling parts of this special VH1 Storytellers podcast and get to, like, the music, man.  Well, too bad for you, because VH1 Records (still a thing, sure) demanded that we list all of the tracks on this episode as containing both the story AND the telling, but also whatever song comes after.  Lot of story, a lot of telling, precious little music is how they roll.  Also, podcasts don't have much music in them, man.   Podcasts are by their very nature a spoken word medium, because of the 1st amendment.  Ever heard of it?  And, music is extremely challenging to license for podcasts, especially ones with 40 listeners who are just dying to get shouted out on air for sending us emails at bowievsdylan@gmail.com.  Finally, its expensive, dang, we here at Bowie vs. Dylan tried to call Bowie's and Dylan's management about using just a little taste of that sweet non-spoken word manna from heaven they call music, but-

SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAA!

Just arrived in our hearts, got to go, enjoy this Christmas in July episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep32: 1966 - 4 Forgettable Mod Singles vs. Oh I Don’t Know, BLONDE ON BLONDE or the Blonde on Blondeing of 1966

Setting: Newly minted Bowie tries to achieve early Bowie in England, while Bob Dylan is at the height of his Dylan-ness, also in England for part of the year, getting "Judas!!!" yelled at him by wankers.

Bowie answers an advert in the paper, whereby he pays good pounds to climb into a tiny door presented to him by a very young John Cusack.  He inexplicably transforms into Bob Dylan's body and mind for 15 minutes, and then is deposited on the side of a freeway in New Castle.  Whilst embodying Dylan, Bowie goes to dinner where everyone, including him, looks like the majestically frizzy Dylan of 1966.

Dylan #1: Blonde on Blonde?

Dylan #2: Blonde on Blonde.

Dylan #3: Blonde on Blonde? Blonde on Blonde? Blonde on Blonde!

Dylan #4: Blonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on Blonde.

All Dylans: Blonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on Blonde.

Bowie (once deposited on the freeway): It will be mine...Oh yes, it will be mine.  In 1972, or thereabouts.

Ep31: 2015 - Lazarus vs. Shadows in the Night, or the Near-Death Crooning of 2015

Setting: Two men age-group 18-49, with so many more important things to do, nonetheless talking to each other and roughly 41 other souls about David Bowie and/or Bob Dylan.  Their respective rooms are dark; their tone slight, but uniformly pensive.

Man #1: Bob Dylan's single from the year two thousand and fifteen is as follows: The-

Man #2: (interrupting jovially): Are we talking about David Bowie's history of musicals right now?

Man #1: The Night-

Man #2: (interrupting haphazardly): Because it's a rich, rich...rich historical text.

Man #1: The Night We-

Man #2 (interrupting wildly): Why, in 1968, of all year, Bowie was thinking of thinking of maybe writing and producing one.

Man #1: The Night We Called-

Man #2: (interrupting rather rudely): It's about a man with a very ordinary name who's ANYTHING BUT ORDINARY, you see.

Man #1: The Night We Called It-

Man #2: (interrupting as if it's now a joke that only he can truly appreciate): Ever heard of Ziggy Stardust, friend?

Man #1: The Night We Called It A-

Man #2: (interrupting just a little too righteously): Now picture it...as a musical.

Man #1: The Night We Called It A Day.  The Night We Called It A Day.  The Night We Called It A Day.  The Night We Called It A Day.  The Night We Called It A Day.  The Night We Called It A Day!!!

Man #2: (interrupting solemnly and self-importantly): Why are you yelling?! Stop yelling at me.  I was just thinking about how 2015 was Bowie's last year on the planet and he managed to produce some of his finest work.  This seems important, and it's a little disrespectful for you to continue interrupting me while I try to communicate the sheer magni-

Man #1 and Man #2: (in unison): On this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan!

Ep30: Bowie vs. Dylan, or The Top 10 Rivalries of THEIR ENTIRE CAREERS

Dear Listeners-

We here at Bowie vs. Dylan know that it's generally uncouth to share such an emotional outpouring, especially since we haven't had anything to drink this morning (yet), but hey, what the heck?  The internet is such a rotten place sometimes, and we'd like to change that in whatever small way that we can actually control, so here goes:

WE REALLY APPRECIATE YOU.

So much so, in fact, that we'd like to ask your forgiveness in advance for the 1 hour and 45 minutes that you're about to be subjected to of pure podcast petulance.  Because although David Bowie and Bob Dylan were and are generally congenial fellows with many friends, acquaintances, and collaborators (see Episode 10 of this podcast), they also each had their share of frenemies, enemies, and rivalries, all of which are covered in exhaustive and exhausting detail, by real-life brothers (and #1 For Realz Rivalz For Life) Chaz and Jake.  Warning: It's a petty, salacious, violent, uncaring, contentious, and downright mean episode, just like Chaz and Jake's realz-life relationship, on this episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep29: 1996 - Nothing! Absolutely Nothing! vs. Nothing! Absolutely Nothing! or the MasterCard Masters Soul Patch for the Prince of 1996

Chaz and Jake sift through the mild emotional wreckage that was the year 1996 for tasty goss on their muses both dead and alive.  Spoiler alert: there's not much to say, except that the brothers somehow spew an unhealthy 75 minutes of morning drive-time jock-talk with what amounts to practically nothing.  We leave it to you, dear listeners, to decide if that's any different at all than their other podcasts.  

Here's Bowie's year: He's at least lookin good, I guess?

Let me just check my notes on Dylan one more time, there's got to be something here...wait, how did we miss this?!  Says here that a handsome man with the surname Dylan fronted an inexplicably popular alternative rock band with several top ten hits with an album that sold 4 million copies and won a bunch of Grammy's!  Bob Dylan was in a band called the Wallflowers?! That wasn't in my narrative at all!  You'd think I'd have caught it, but boy, does this change everything, we're gonna have to go back and re-do the points, Chaz is NOT going to be pleased at this development.  Another win for Dylan, baby, on this award-winning (our own awards, sure, but still sanctioned in 2 states) edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.